Guidance
by instant anarchy
Summary: She wanted to cry, but he didn't want to pry. What is Laura so upset about?
1. Chapter 1: Aran: Tender Tears

There's something different.

It's not how she's moving, or how her face is arranged, or how she's dressed. It's not her colour scheme, her height, her width, but there's something.

Because when I look at Laura, something doesn't feel quite the same as it used to. Things have changed. I don't know what it is, but she seems like she's avoiding me.

When I look at her, she looks away. I kind of want to know what's going on, but, since she always seems to be doing something else, I don't ask her. I let her do what she wants because I want her to be happy.

Still, I wish I knew what I did wrong.

…

Laura looks up at me at last. I notice that her eyes are filled with tears.

"Laura…" I start.

"Ah!" she gasps. "Aran…"

"What wrong?"

"N-Nothing! I'm fine!" Two tears streamed down her right cheek as she said that, and she put a smile on her face. "Just fine, so don't worry…"

"But I can tell, there's something bothering you…"

"I really am fine, Aran. I… Nothing's bothering me…"

She obviously didn't want to talk to me. I left her alone, not wanting to push her into something she wouldn't want. But I lingered in the doorway, watching as her shoulders shakily moved up and down. It was terrible watching her like this, but she wouldn't tell me anything. There was nothing I could do.

…

If only I had stayed with her a little longer. If only I had squeezed the secret out of her.

She would feel better. She wouldn't have to cry.

She could just relax in my arms. Everything would be okay…

But I didn't. I left her there. I'm such a moron.


	2. Chapter 2: Laura: Something Wrong

Ashera… Please help me. I've done something terrible. I can't think clearly anymore… Aran is invading my thoughts. I don't want him to think that I blame him. I know that I brought it upon myself. But please, even though this is happening, don't let him see me like this. I don't want him to worry…

But I know, anyway, that this will continue.

All that I can do is make sure that he doesn't see me cry. But it's so hard… He's always watching. I'm not sure what to do when he comes around. I look down, in the distance, or cover my eyes. He knows something's wrong. I tell him I'm fine… I can't believe myself. It's terrible… I can't face Aran anymore, I can't hold tears back anymore, and to top it all off, I'm a terrible liar. But I shouldn't lie. That will only make it harder to face him.

He will find me out as a liar. I don't know what he'll do, but… I want us to remain, at least, friends once he does.

"Laura…"

He's come back! But… after all that I've been thinking about, I'm crying again. I look straight forward, ignoring him. He said it pretty quietly… I can pass off as not hearing him.

But I know I did, and I know it's Aran. Only Aran's voice could make my heart jump quite like that.

"Laura. I want to talk to you."

That was loud… loud enough, anyway, for someone like me. I can't pretend anymore. "Aran…" I said. My voice shook. I was crying again. "I… I'm sorry, this is a bad time…"

"What's the matter? You've been crying a lot lately. Something's up…"

"Ah! N-No… I-It's just that… I've been having allergies lately, and… They're making my eyes… water… But I… I'm glad that you are worried about me… Thank you…"

…!

"Um! I don't mean, that, you should be worried! Really, worrying feels terrible, so, I know that you probably don't want to feel bad… I'm sorry. What I said was… rude. I didn't mean it the way it must have sounded…"

"Laura, that wasn't the way it sounded. It sounded… sweet. I really appreciated it."

He said that to me. He really appreciated what I did. I looked away again, this time not to hide my tears, but to hide my face entirely, which must have been beet red. He gave me a look.

"I'm fine, Aran… You don't have to worry."

With that, he left again. I was alone again. Alone with only my thoughts to keep me company. And my thoughts weren't such pleasant company either.

The one I hated most of all stuck in my head.

"Aran is only pretending to care."


	3. Chapter 3: Aran: Chit Chat

I'm worried about her.

She's telling me it's no big deal. She's telling me it's just the abbot. But I know there's something else. I can't just ask her. She'll just tell me it's no big deal. She won't open up to me. Maybe she doesn't trust me.

There she is! I have to ask her. No holding back this time, I swear.

"Laura!" I yell, trying to get her attention.

"Oh! Aran…" she replies. She actually doesn't seem as depressed this time. Maybe whatever it was that was bothering her went away and I won't even have to ask.

"Well, um I guess that you wanted to talk to me, didn't you…"

"Yeah… I don't know, it kind of feels like we've been losing touch, and I, I was just coming over here to check on you, see how you're doing…"

"Yes, I'm doing alright Aran. You know how it is; priests like us don't really have a lot of free time. Busy, busy… That's why I haven't been contacting you that much…"

Oh. She seemed so sad…

I got it!

"Did you miss me?"

"Y-yes, a little. It, um… It was nice talking to you Aran. Bye…"

And she totally just rushes out on me. Swell. That is just plain swell. What did I do? Was it something I said, or what?

…

Alone in my room, I'm still thinking about Laura. I wonder if maybe she left that place like that because really, she was worried about the abbot, and here I was trying to figure out what it really was and not believing what she said.

'Yes, a little…'

Was that the honest truth? Did she miss me 'a little'? Did she miss me less than that? More than that? It scares me that I don't know what she's thinking anymore. I remember when we were little kids, and I would play psychic.

"Okay… What am I thinking… now?"

"You're thinking 'He will never guess what I am thinking'."

"Darn! You got me again!"

I smile at the thought of it. She always thought that while "testing" me. But there were also all sorts of other times…

"You want the abbot's huckleberry muffins don't you?"

I could tell that because she was staring at those huckleberries with a sort of longing in her eyes. That was before she started testing me.

"You and Natasha got in a fight, didn't you? I wonder what got her so mad."

Actually, I cheated for that one. I watched the whole fight. But she seriously thought that I could tell just by looking at her.

Those times were so much fun. But they're gone now. She's leaving me clueless. Leaving me in the shadows.


	4. Chapter 4: Laura: One Purpose

Ashera!

Just making sure that I remembered what my purpose was for being here. I must remember, always… The most important thing to me is the Goddess. Nothing can reach my mind before She does. Nothing will ever take Her place.

Anything else to occupy my thoughts before Her, it would be vow-breaking. Blasphemous. Ashera is the one that matters most.

"Man, am I glad I'm not a priest. That whole thing about worshipping Ashera- it's great and all, but sometimes they get so long, it's just plain boring."

What? Is this a dream, or is he really here?

It's not a dream. It's a memory.

"I'm not kidding, though. How can you stand it?"

"It isn't really as bad as you make it out to be. I'm sure you're just not cut out for priesthood."

"I'm not cut out for priesthood, and teaching would suit me still less."

"Really? I've always wanted to be a teacher. I love children."

"It would be great to have children, you know, to carry on my legacy, but they're just so annoying. I couldn't be in a room totally full of them. I'd have a breakdown."

"You and I really do have a lot of differences. But we also have a lot in common. I'm glad we're friends."

"Me too."

And he left, just then. That memory has in turn reminded me of the things we used to do, and how sometimes we would talk for hours even when neither of us had much to say.…

Those times are gone. I have more important things to do. This is not the time to be reminiscing about things like that. What's happened happened. Someday the memories will be so small I might forget them.

…

But I know that if it features Aran so prominently, it will try its hardest to survive. To be remembered. I won't forget these until I've forgotten everything else. Because he's in them. Because I made a promise to him when I was small:

"I'll never forget you, no matter how long we're apart!"

But I also made a promise to myself and Ashera, to think of Her before others, to think of Her with utmost respect, to think of Her the highest out of anyone.

I don't know if I can keep both of those promises. Aran is starting to appear in my mind sometimes, even before the goddess. I try to do things that would win his approval, even if it goes against the goddess!

Ashera… I don't know what I should do!


	5. Chapter 5: Aran: Picking Flowers

Hooboy.

Laura's over by that tree. She's singing. Seems happy. Must not see me. I want her to stay happy… in order for that, I'd better stay hidden.

Other priestesses are giving me dirty looks. What did I do? Thought that staying away from Laura would help her heal a little. Maybe that's not it. Maybe they know I'm a sinner.

I can't help it. We all are, if we're not part of the holy priesthood or whatever.

Laura's coming this way… I'm going to hide behind this bush and hope she didn't already see me.

"…He's not here… Was I just imagining again? Oh goddess…"

She's got a worried look on her face now. I think there's a possibility that I messed up again. Now I'm torn, stay hidden or come out?

I come out without realizing it. Laura sees me and says, "Oh! Aran! There you are! Good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too, Laura."

"I was just picking some flowers to set around the abbey. Want to help?"

"I don't remember the last time I've been inside, so I don't know what would go…"

"It's simple- just see what goes with the flowers I've already got."

She has a small bunch of flowers in her hand. She's going to set them around the abbey… I'd rather see them in her hair.

…

We're still picking all those flowers. The abbey is huge- this entire flower field, in bunches, would cover about half of it. It's been an hour. Just me and her, picking flowers. It was a good time. She looked like she was enjoying herself. I'm happy I'm not ruining everything this time. Here's hoping that continues to happen.


	6. Chapter 6: Laura: The Letter

Aran and I had a good time today. The abbey is so beautiful. We picked flowers and talked. Oh, we had such fun.

At one point we simply looked at each other. I don't think I've ever seen an expression on his face look so sweet. I get the feeling that he wants me to exit my chains of priesthood, to become a bachelorette. But then, I may ruin myself for who I am. I want to be a priestess. But at the same time… I want Aran. And it's very conflicting which one I want more.

I'll need to think about it a bit longer.

…

A letter? For me? Well, who could it be… It's Aran?

What…?

_Laura-_

_I'm sorry about what I did. I know there's something. Almost every time I come by, it makes you cry. I guess I don't know what it is… Is it that I'm making you feel devilish? If so, I'm sorry. I'm going to Begnion… I hope that this doesn't make it worse. I'm only leaving because I'm hoping you'll think, "Out of sight, out of mind," and move on. _

_Best of luck to you and the rest of the priests;_

_Happy New Year;_

_And good-by._

_-Aran_

He's leaving, and I still haven't decided. And he might already be gone! And it's my fault he's leaving, and he thinks it's his!

I need to make up my mind. Time is running out.


	7. Chapter 7: Aran: Goodbye

If this doesn't help Laura, if this only hurts her more, than she shouldn't still have hope for me. If this breaks Laura's heart, she should be happy I'm gone. And if it doesn't, she'll be happy I'm gone. I can't see why I should stay.

Well, I couldn't, at least. Now I see Laura running up to me…

"Aran!" she's shouting. "Aran… I… Don't go… I… I need to say…"

She looks up at me. She's breathing heavily, and her eyes are so wide…

"I… need to… say…" she starts again.

"Yes, Laura?" I'm a bit confused now. I wonder what she'll say.

"I… I need… I need to say… I need to say…"

She closes her eyes. "Good-bye."

Well, if that's all, then I'm going. I turn, and she says, "Wait."

"Yes?"

"There's something else. I need to say all the reasons I've been avoiding you. Why I've been crying about you. Why I don't really want you to leave.

"I love you, Aran. It may seem to you that love is a joyous thing, but lately I haven't been able to think straight. I've been thinking about you above all else. Including our Saviour the Goddess. And, I felt it was wrong.

"But, Aran, please don't leave. I don't know if I can make up my mind, but I do love you. And if you leave, I might lose that. I… sound incredibly needy…"

She loves me. All this time, I didn't know. Maybe I'm just too stupid to see anything.

"Laura. I love you too. Come here…"

I pull her close. She wraps her arms around me. I don't let go, knowing this girl is too broken to let go of.

"Aran…"

"Yes?"

"What… should I do? Should I stay with what I've been doing, or go with you?"

"It's up to you. I can't decide for you. But, if it makes you relax, I'll stay here. You can take your time."


	8. Chapter 8: Laura: Special Words

Well. Aran loves me, I love him. I love the goddess, and have no idea whether she loves me. Whom do I love more? I must discover this for myself somehow… I hear something. What is that…? A voice?

A deep, majestic alto… Who-? Where is that coming from?

**Laura.**

I look around me. Behind me, above me, beneath me… Who is that…?

**Don't attempt to find me, Laura. It is I… Ashera, the one you have been asking advice from for so long.**

I blink, taken aback. Am I insane? Or is it the real deal?

Aran's eyes are widening, too. He must hear it…

**You have expressed concern that I may disown you should you fall in love. That is not the case; rather, I am quite happy for you. Love is a wonderful thing which you must not let go to waste.**

"But, I… It took over my every thought. I was… replacing you!"

**No, Laura. You were still held back by love for me. That is why you were so conflicted. Had it replaced me, you would have gone with him a long time ago. You see, you have plenty of room in your heart for the both of us. You simply wanted your heart to be bigger. Trust me, it is certainly big enough to house everyone you've ever met and then some.**

"But… I made a promise. To you. That I was to think of you first and foremost… right? That you were the single most important thing in my life?"

**Promises aren't made to be broken… but empty promises are broken anyway.**

"It wasn't an empty promise! You are important to me. I just…"

**Am I the single most important thing in your life?**

"……Yes. Yes you are."

**Be honest.**

I cannot believe my ears. The Lady is calling me a liar! Can't she read my mind, anyway? I think I'd know if I were lying…

**Laura, I know you love me. I know that I am important to you. I know that staying true to me is important to you. But what is important to me is that the people I created are happy. Your dedication is making you suffer. Be happy and do what you want to do.**

"I want to stay a priestess. I can't imagine myself as anything else."

**And if you do, promise not to cry about falling in love. Again, this is your choice.**

"I won't cry. It should make me happy, not sad."

**I'm glad we had this talk. Now I must turn my attention to others. Good-bye.**

"Good-bye…" I say, smiling.


End file.
